Talking with my two oldest about sex and why they need to wait until they are married. God gave me a word picture that has been helpful with both of them so far.
Sex is a gift. It’s one of the best gifts you can ever hope to receive, and God is excited for you to have it. He created this gift for you for three reasons:
- So that we could have children. God wants us to participate with Him on one of the greatest miracles we will ever know – the creation of life! He does 99.9% of the work, but he saves a small piece for us to do so that we can have the joy of helping make a baby.
- So that we can be one with our spouse. God wants husbands and wives to be so close that they are like one person. Sex allows us to be close physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. By making spouses one, it helps us understand a little bit of the mystery of God’s oneness with the Son and the Holy Spirit.
- So that we can have pleasure. God wants us to experience incredible pleasure during sex. There is probably nothing in the world that feels as good as sex between a husband and a wife. The pleasure we get from sex should remind us what a wonderful God we have.
God has some rules about the gift. If we follow them, we will enjoy the gift to the fullest extent that we can. If we break the rules, sex can become a powerful tool for Satan to use to try to hurt us and other people. Because sex is such a powerful gift for bringing us closer to our spouses and to God, and because it allows us to bring children into the world who are made in God’s image, Satan absolutely hates it. He has devised hundreds, maybe thousands, of ways to ruin the gift and hurt people.
One rule is that the gift is not intended for us to use for ourselves. God wants us to give it to someone very special – our future husband or wife. The gift is intended only for that person and for no one else.
How would you feel if a friend had a gift for you that they first gave to other people? They allowed those people to keep the gift for a period of time and use it over and over. By the time you get it, it won’t be new anymore. Most likely, it will be damaged in some way, and it’s possible that the gift could be so damaged that it would even hurt you. Would that gift seem very special to you? Would it make you feel like you were the most important person in your friend’s life?
Probably not, right?
Another rule is that the gift should not be opened before the right time. That time is the day you get married. It’s very hard to wait that long to open the gift, because you’re going to hear from lots of people how great it is, but you have to wait if you really want it to be special.
Remember how tempting it was to sneak a peak at your presents under the Christmas tree? They were all so neatly wrapped and exciting! You almost couldn’t stand not knowing what was inside all that colorful paper! But what would have happened if you had sneaked in one night before Christmas Day and peeled back the wrapping ever so carefully? At first, you would have tried just peeling back a corner, but then you would have had to peel back more in order to see what was inside. Before long, you might not have been able to stop yourself from unwrapping the entire thing.
Even if you had been able to rewrap the present perfectly (and what kid knows how to do that), wouldn’t you have felt miserable knowing what you had done? Wouldn’t the guilt have ruined the anticipation of Christmas? And when you opened the present on Christmas morning, you would have had to pretend to be surprised and excited. Sitting there that Christmas Day, you would have felt robbed of some of the joy of Christmas, but you would have had no one to blame but yourself.
Sex is like that. It’s beautifully wrapped and very attractive. Satan will point that out to you over and over as you wait for your marriage day. He will try to convince you to take just one small peak, but you’ve got to stay far away from the gift. If you start to peel back a corner, it will be almost impossible to keep yourself from opening the entire thing. That means that you have to guard yourself against the temptation to get too physically close to someone of the opposite sex. The more you touch, the more difficult it will be to keep yourself away from the gift.
If you get too close and open the gift before it’s time, you will have done something permanent. You can’t give a gift for the first time more than once. It will only be as special as God intended if you wait for your wedding day to give it to your spouse. God can restore most of the specialness of the gift if you make a mistake, but it will take years of hard work for both your spouse and you. Your mother and I both made this mistake when we were young, and we have regretted it ever since. We don’t want you to have to go through the struggles we have gone through to get back the specialness of the gift.
That’s it. Those are the rules. Any other rules you find in the Bible about sex are just different ways of saying these two rules, because people always want to make excuses for opening the gift at the wrong time and with the wrong person.
This gift is precious! Don’t waste it on the wrong person, and don’t open it before it’s time. Save it for a very special person on your very special wedding day, and you both will be thrilled at how good God is to give you such a gift! I’m praying for both your future spouse and you that you will both save your gifts for each other on that day.