Substitute Dads

In 1 Chronicles 27:32, the writer tells us:

“Jonathan, David’s uncle, a wise and literate counselor, and Jehiel son of Hacmoni, were responsible for rearing the king’s sons.”  (The Message)

They apparently did a spectacularly bad job with King David’s boys.  One son raped his sister; one killed his brother, usurped his father’s kingdom and slept with his father’s concubines in broad daylight for all the neighbors to see; another one tried to usurp his father’s kingdom and sleep with one of his father’s wives only to be put to death by another brother; and one left his faith in the one, true God, because his sexual lust led him into at least 1,000 sexual relationships with women who worshiped foreign gods.

Where was the moral fiber that characterized their dad, “a man after God’s own heart?”  Why didn’t these boys grow up knowing right from wrong?  Why did they fail so miserably?

I believe the main reason is that you cannot substitute for Dad.  Boys need their fathers.  They need that intimate, male relationship in their lives to help them learn what it is to be a real man.  Not a man who sleeps with the most women or who has the most money and toys or who always settles his problems with his fists.  A REAL man.  A man who submits to the authority of Jesus Christ; a man who puts other peoples’ needs (particularly his family’s needs) ahead of his own; a man who commits to one woman and honors her all the days of their marriage.  A REAL man.

Ironically, David was many things that we admire.  He was a warrior; a poet; a musician; a king and even a man who submitted to the authority of the Lord – but he was an abysmal father.  During the years his boys needed him most, he delegated his parental responsibilities to other men.  And while those men might have been wise and literate and many other good things, they weren’t Dad.

God has designed the family as the perfect way to disciple young children into mature Christian faith.  When it works as planned, godly parents live their lives humbly before God and model powerful spiritual disciplines for their children.  It takes place over years and years in real-life situations.  Because it is lived in real life, its credibility is beyond reproach or suspicion.  No teacher, preacher, mentor, friend, book, seminar or seminary will be anywhere near as effective at passing along spiritual wisdom and discipline.  …that is, when it’s done well.

When it’s not done well (as in David’s case), it teaches equally powerful negative lessons.  David modeled that work and personal pursuits were more important to him than his children.  No wonder all his boys could think about was themselves.  They had 20+ years of discipleship in selfishness.

Our boys need us, men.  We can’t delegate fathering to their school teachers or their soccer coaches or even their youth group leaders.  Those men serve an important role, but they cannot replace what God intended for us to provide.

And no, you don’t have to wait until you get your stuff together to start spending more time with your boys and being intentional about discipling them.  Start now, and get your stuff together as you go.  There are powerful lessons that our boys will learn as they watch us struggle against our sinful nature.  In fact, if we pretend to be perfect, we will do more damage than good.  Let’s just live our lives and invite our boys along for the journey.

Send the substitute home.  Class is in session.

The Amazing Chinese Bamboo Plant

The Chinese Bamboo plant starts from a tiny seed. You plant the seed in the dirt, and you water the seed. Very little seems to happen the first year. Despite your efforts, only a tiny shoot pokes out of the ground.

So…..the second year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the third year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the fourth year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the fifth year you water and fertilize and protect the seed.….Finally, during the fifth year, the Chinese Bamboo plant begins to grow. In fact, it grows 90 feet tall in just 6 weeks!

The question is, did it grow 90 feet in six weeks or in five years? The answer, of course, is that it grew 90 feet in five years. It took five years to grow the root system that would one day support a 90-foot plant.

People are often like the Chinese Bamboo plant. We invest hours and hours trying to develop ourselves or others, and nothing happens.  We spend years discipling our children to follow the Lord, but…..nothing happens.   We hold countless meetings with our staff members to coach them in the development of their strengths and developmental areas, but…….nothing happens. We redouble our efforts to help a friend make better decisions, but…….nothing happens.

If you’re like most people, you will be tempted to give up. Don’t do it! If you give up, the seeds you planted will die. But if you continue to care for the seeds, one day (when you least expect it) the results of your labor will seem to magically appear overnight!

If the Chinese Bamboo plant immediately shot up 90 feet in the first year, one strong wind would blow it down. By growing deep before it grows tall, it gains the strength it needs to withstand the force of heavy winds. Similarly, lasting growth starts on the inside of people. It’s difficult to see that change is taking place, but this is a necessary process. The growing they do on the inside creates strength of character and conviction.

Don’t give up hope! Your efforts will be rewarded!  Once the root system is established, your growth or the growth of those you are coaching will spring up seemingly overnight!