Don’t Miss the Meaning

Many of us go through life having experiences but missing their meaning.  If you believe Romans 8:28, then you know that God uses ALL things for the good of those who love Him.  He uses good experiences and bad.  They are a tool to shape us more like Christ and a test to reveal the quality of our heart.

But we are so busy!  Most of us don’t take the time to stop and reflect.  We have the experience but miss the meaning because we moved on to the next stimulating activity or responsibility in our lives.  It’s like going on an incredible trip to a distant country, having fantastic experiences pregnant with significance for our lives and then packing them into our suitcase for the trip home.  When we arrive, we leave the suitcase in a corner unopened and grab a new, empty suitcase, where we will pack in all the potentially meaningful experiences of today.

But when will we ever find the time to unpack?  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

It’s very optimistic of us to think that things will slow down tomorrow so that we can pull out all the great experiences of the past to reminisce and learn their deep truths, but it probably won’t happen.  And who knows?  Yesterday’s experiences might have an expiration date.  God may have given them to us right before we needed them.  By the time we stop to examine them, they might taste very bitter to us as we realize how much we needed them when we had an opportunity or were put to the test.

The key responsibility of parents, mentors and supervisors is to help their children, their mentees or their staff unpack the lessons that experience is meant to teach them.  By creating space in busy schedules, these leaders help their followers learn the importance of fully receiving each experience that God gives them.  They contextualize by adding their insights and their own lessons learned; they ask questions to reveal the hidden value of seemingly meaningless circumstances; they challenge their followers to ask “why” until God’s purpose is revealed.

If you are in a leadership role, stop working so much and start coaching more.  Most of us in leadership roles are too busy with our own responsibilities to unpack lessons with our followers.  It’s great if you are shoulder-to-shoulder with them, having the experience together, but even more important is being face-to-face, examining what’s in their suitcase.

The question is, do you care about them enough to want them to grow and learn and develop as God intends?  If so, don’t waste anymore of the teachable moments He sends you.

Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks

Maybe you’ve heard the analogy about how difficult it is to teach an “old dog” new tricks.  An “old dog” is someone who is set in their ways, who’s “been there and done that” and who is not particularly impressed by our leadership credentials.  We run into “old dogs” all the time when we inherit teams, and they can make our jobs a chore.  I once had a children’s joke book that had stellar advice about how to deal with “old dogs.”  The joke went like this:

“What do you need to know to teach an old dog new tricks?”


“More than the dog.”

 

Great advice!  As leaders, we need to stay at least one step ahead of those on our teams.  You do this through continuous improvement – taking courses, being a bookworm or a tapeworm (someone who listens to tapes), reading trade publications, attending conferences….  There are a gazillion options available to us.  The hard part isn’t finding a way to learn more; it’s making it into a habit!

Think about this:

If you haven’t learned anything new lately, have you earned the credibility to lead a group of people who are experts in what they do on a daily basis?  You can’t lead any farther than you yourself have gone.

Summer Slide

As the kids head back to school, teachers everywhere are facing a common dilemma – the “summer slide.”  Over the summer break, kids’ reading abilities, study habits and knowledge levels erode as books and other intellectual pursuits take a back seat to swimming, movie-going and Nintendo-playing.  Teachers often have to repeat up to six weeks of lessons from the previous year just to get the students back to their previous levels of proficiency and knowledge.

We may know this happens intuitively, but Hopkins sociologists Karl Alexander and Doris Entwisle have actually studied the phenomenon.  They followed 790 randomly-selected Baltimore students from 20 different schools from the time they entered the first grade in 1982 through their graduations in 1994.  By comparing testing scores from one year to the next, the researchers were able to see the impact a lack of academic focus had during the summer.

Those students who enrolled in summer camps, music or art lessons or who were encouraged to read during the break tended to maintain knowledge levels, while those who had less focus during the summer tended to forget more of what they had learned the previous school year.  From year to year, these learning gaps grew wider and wider between the two types of students so that by the end of the fifth grade, the difference in verbal abilities was two years and the difference in math abilities was a year-and-a-half.

Now, I’m guessing that not too many of us adults have been to summer camp, music or art lessons in quite awhile, and statistics don’t look too good for our reading habits.  A Gallup poll on reading habits in 1990 found that the proportion of Americans who had not completed a book in the previous year had doubled to 16% since the previous poll in 1978 reported 8%.  An Associated Press-Ipsos poll in 2007 had the number at a dismal 25%.  If these numbers continue, over 50% of us won’t read any books by 2052, and no one will be reading books by the year 2112.

A.C. Neilson (the company that measures television ratings in the U.S.) reported in 1998 that six million videos are checked out every day (and that’s just my family…).  Compare that to three million library books checked out in the average day (and a good percentage of those are by students).  Neilson also tells us that the average American family watches over four hours of T.V. a day (equivalent to two months of non-stop T.V. viewing a year).

So, how’s your “summer slide” going?  If elementary-age children could lose one-and-a-half to two years of verbal and mathematical ability after just five summers, what does that mean for us (who have had a few more summers on our record)?  Are you actively learning anything, or has life since high school or college been one big summer break?  Don’t let those brain cells drain away; it’s use ‘em or lose ‘em!  Head to the library…we’ve got some catching up to do!

Failure is Better Than Success

For Christmas this year, my daughter – “A12” – had her first harp recital in front of our church in Chiang Mai. We (her mother and I) were absolutely terrified! Much more afraid than A12 let on to being.

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It’s only been a short time since she was part of the choir in her class’ school musical (an almost invisible role at the very back of the stage) when she froze in a catatonic state of fear because she had to sing a few lines with the rest of the kids. When one of our friends complimented her on her performance afterward, she dissolved into sobs. So, while we were excited for her to get to play in front of an audience of 400-500, we dreaded the very real possibility that she would make a mistake and melt in the spotlight.

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We had her practice over and over and over again to get it just right, and then the night came. We showed up plenty early, but things didn’t go as planned. We had been told she would have some time to warm up before service, but the Christmas drama team was doing a last-minute run-through, and they used all sixty of the last-minute seconds.

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Worse, she was told that there was a change of plans and that she would only be playing during the offering and not at the beginning of service, too, as she had prepared for. This was a major bummer for her. It cut the songs she would play from five to two, so she went out behind the church to deal with her disappointment in private.

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But then the plans changed again, and there were a few minutes for her to play while people found their seats. We found her out back, wiped her eyes, gave her a quick pep talk and turned on her microphone. Because the drama team had kept everyone out while they practiced, A12 was able to go through all three of her opening Christmas songs two times each while everyone came inside.

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Much encouraged, she joined us in the pew while the Christmas production got under way. When it came time for the offering, she returned to her bench and began playing one of her best songs. But this time was different. There was no milling congregation creating a distracting, low hum. All eyes and ears were on A12, and she must have felt the pressure.

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She missed one note, then two, then three and four… Her mother and I held our breath as she stopped to adjust one of her levers at the top of the harp, but then she played the rest of the song. It was a bit painful, because everyone knows when you miss a note in “Away in a Manger,” but she played it completely through twice before the pastor saw a natural place to break in and move to the next item on the agenda.

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She didn’t get to play her best song, and she missed quite a few notes, but we were incredibly proud (and relieved) that she pushed through.

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Since that night, we’ve had several adults tell us how impressed they were that she didn’t stop playing. Other musicians recognized how difficult it must have been for a young girl in front of such a large audience, and they confided that they were silently cheering her on – willing her to keep going. A few of her classmates told her how “horrible” she was, but it hasn’t seemed to phase her. She knows she accomplished something worthwhile that night.

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As I reflect on the experience, it strikes me that failure is often much better than success. Success builds confidence, but too much confidence leads to complacency and arrogance. Failure, however, teaches and builds character. Many of us can say that we learned our most important lessons from failure, but we hardly ever learn something significant from success. Through failure, we gain humility, and humility keeps our minds open to learning new things. Success, on the other hand, convinces us that we already know all we need to know.

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What if we didn’t fear failure so much? What if we could embrace it and learn what it has to teach us? What if we were more understanding about the failures of those around us? Wouldn’t we learn important lessons so much faster? Maybe we need a new way to look at failure, to see that it really is its own type of success. Let’s all try to fail just a little more this year…what do you say?

Earn vs. Return – Part 2

In a previous post, I shared that we shouldn’t do good works to earn God’s love (we already have it!); we should do good works to return His love (out of gratitude).

This is key, because so many of us are trying to earn something that we already have.  God takes pleasure in us because of WHO we are even when what we DO is disobedient, sinful and evil.  When we try to earn His love, our heart is in the wrong place.  We are starting with the wrong motive.
Take a look at this model. When our heart starts from the wrong motive (i.e., trying to EARN God’s love), there is never a good outcome. If we succeed in our good works, we tend to get prideful and self-righteous. If we fail to accomplish our good works, we are filled with guilt and self-condemnation. (This is the “bad guilt” that keeps condemning us even after we have repented of our sins, and it is often the motivation for our works when we are doing them for the wrong reasons.)

However, if we start from the right motive in our hearts (i.e., trying to RETURN God’s love), both our successes and our failures are pleasing in God’s sight. If we succeed, we are grateful to God for allowing us to do the good works. We rightly understand that we could not have accomplished them without God’s provision and grace, and we commit to serving the Lord in even greater ways.

If we fail in our best intentions, though, it leads us to humility and repentance. These are pleasing to God, and He uses them as a tool to shape us more in His likeness. No Christian should expect to succeed in his good intentions all the time. Failure is an important part of the shaping process. There is an aspect of guilt here, but it is “good guilt” – the kind that leads us to recognize our sin and repent of it. “Good guilt” never continues after repentance.

When our good works are motivated by love, the outcome will always be that we draw closer to God. When they are motivated by guilt and a desire to earn His favor, they will always draw us away from Him – even when we think we must be getting closer. (Consider how far from God the Pharisees were despite their meticulous tithing and obedience to the letter of the Law.)

There is nothing left to earn. Christ paid that debt fully on the cross. We have His holiness and His righteousness. It’s 100% done! All we can do with our own efforts is show our appreciation.

Skills on a Short Shelf

In a taxi ride to the Singapore airport, I met a taxi drive who claimed to have been a mechanic for Datsun “Z” race cars when he was a young man. (You know he had to be young, because they haven’t been called Datsun for years!) He told me that he once worked on one of Paul Newman’s race cars. In fact, he said, that same car was recently featured in an article in Car and Driver – same engine twenty years later.

The man said that he loved the work and loved living in the U.S., but while he was there, his father grew ill and died back in Singapore. Since his father owned a construction company, the young man had to come back to run it for his family. After twenty years, he sold the business, but he found that he couldn’t return to auto racing mechanics. In the time that he had been gone, everything had changed.

All the parts were now measured in millimeters instead of inches. But even if he had been able to quickly do the conversions in his head, it didn’t change the fact that cars are now run by computers. He boasted that he could stick his hand into a bucket of parts while blindfolded and tell you what each nut, each bolt, each washer was for. Not anymore. Everything had changed. Now, his wife teases him that he’s an expert in internal combustion engines, but he can’t even get his Honda Civic to start.

The pace of change is increasing. Technical knowledge is almost obsolete by the time you learn it. Things are moving that fast. If you don’t spend time every year updating your technical skill, it’s going to be old and outdated before you know it. Technical skills have a short shelf life.

Of more lasting value are interpersonal skills and knowledge.  These skills allow you to adapt to changing environment, because the principles they are based on don’t change.  What was effective advice for dealing with people when Dale Carnegie wrote his famous book (How to Win Friends and Influence People) is still effective today – seventy years later.  And there was nothing new in that book, either.  Many of the practices were ones Jesus preached about 2,000 years ago.

Allow my new friend’s experience to be a cautionary tale for you.  Invest your time and effort learning how to understand and interact with people, and you will always be able to find someone willing to invest in your talents.

The Amazing Chinese Bamboo Plant

The Chinese Bamboo plant starts from a tiny seed. You plant the seed in the dirt, and you water the seed. Very little seems to happen the first year. Despite your efforts, only a tiny shoot pokes out of the ground.

So…..the second year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the third year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the fourth year you water and fertilize and protect the seed…..Nothing happens.

So…..the fifth year you water and fertilize and protect the seed.….Finally, during the fifth year, the Chinese Bamboo plant begins to grow. In fact, it grows 90 feet tall in just 6 weeks!

The question is, did it grow 90 feet in six weeks or in five years? The answer, of course, is that it grew 90 feet in five years. It took five years to grow the root system that would one day support a 90-foot plant.

People are often like the Chinese Bamboo plant. We invest hours and hours trying to develop ourselves or others, and nothing happens.  We spend years discipling our children to follow the Lord, but…..nothing happens.   We hold countless meetings with our staff members to coach them in the development of their strengths and developmental areas, but…….nothing happens. We redouble our efforts to help a friend make better decisions, but…….nothing happens.

If you’re like most people, you will be tempted to give up. Don’t do it! If you give up, the seeds you planted will die. But if you continue to care for the seeds, one day (when you least expect it) the results of your labor will seem to magically appear overnight!

If the Chinese Bamboo plant immediately shot up 90 feet in the first year, one strong wind would blow it down. By growing deep before it grows tall, it gains the strength it needs to withstand the force of heavy winds. Similarly, lasting growth starts on the inside of people. It’s difficult to see that change is taking place, but this is a necessary process. The growing they do on the inside creates strength of character and conviction.

Don’t give up hope! Your efforts will be rewarded!  Once the root system is established, your growth or the growth of those you are coaching will spring up seemingly overnight!